Top Stories of 2007
By
Predictus
1. George Bush flies to Iraq
to assume personal command of the troops. His body is never found.
2. Dick Cheney, in his first address to the
nation as President, announces that he has been a lifelong Muslim, and that his
Arabic name is Osama bin Laden. His approval ratings double
overnight.
3. Gerald Ford soars to the
top position in the polls among Republican presidential contenders for 2008. One
Ford supporter commented, “that dude ain't gonna start no wars.” The
Democrats retaliate by nominating Jimmy
Carter.
4. Martial law is declared on
Ocean Front Walk in response to massive violations of a new L.A. ordinance
prohibiting smiling.
5. Complete
gridlock throughout L.A. enables the LAPD to arrest thousands for sleeping in
their cars. Chief Bratton calls for 10,000 more officers to fight the new crime
wave.
6. OPEC nations embargo oil to
the U.S. in retaliation for its invasion of Saudi Arabia in a vain effort to
restore the deposed royal family. Gasoline climbs to $10 a gallon, when you can
get it. OPEC says it will lift the embargo when there is regime change and
democracy in the U.S. On the up side, the U.S. leads the world in pollution
reduction and bicycle sales. People become nostalgic about
gridlock.
7. Los Angeles suffers a
devastating earthquake. Unfortunately, it happens on the same day that Brad and
Angelina announce they are separating. Most people never hear about the
quake.
8. Lincoln Place tenants
reoccupy their apartments as the LAPD is kept busy with citywide looting after
the quake. AIMCO CEO Terry Considine agrees to sell Lincoln Place to the tenants
for 1,000 gallons of gasoline.
Please!
9. By late Fall, more Americans
are entering Mexico illegally than vice versa. Mexican President Lopez Obrador
stations troops at the border wall, which has been abandoned by immigration
agents fleeing to Mexico in search of a better
life.
10. China offers to buy
California, “as is.” The U.S. accepts.
Posted: Mon - January 1, 2007 at 01:15 PM