A winner of last month's Philomene Long's Contest for Readers - Entry from Cary Shulman

This is very funny. –Philomene

1. Would you ever enter a bathing suit contest?

Now that Bert Parks is dead it’s highly unlikely.

2a. Show me how to act cool.

Pretend to be in the know.

2b. Show me how to be cool.

Know that there is no knowing.

2c. Elucidate the difference in 25 words or less.

It’s the difference between never living and dying before you die.

3. Can you reply “No” without speaking or shaking your head to the following question:
“Do you agree to throw yourself before the altar of Mollock (see Allen Ginsberg’s poem)

His altar has been altered and is now a Mammonarium.

4. Show me Beatitude

Arroz es arroz es arroz.

5. Explain how living the Beatitudes leads to the state of beatitude.

I assume you’re talking about the Northern part of the state of beatitude. It’s easy you find the on ramp to the Innerstate and it’s straight on from there.

6 Are the following statements true or false?

a. “Be the saint on your block.” –Allen Ginsberg

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but the blocks in this neighborhood are too expensive for saints.

b. “It is because I am Beat, that is I believe in beatitude.... Who knows, but that the universe is not one vast sea of compassion actually the veritable holy honey, beneath all this show of personality and cruelty.” –Jack Kerouac

Jack was always big on monism.

c. “He has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts and exalted the humble.” –Mary

I think there’s a little more scattering left to do.

d. “Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God. Blessed are they who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” –Jesus Christ

Around here they need all the help they can get.

e. “Power to the people.” –Patti Smith

Not since the Tennessee Valley Authority and rural electrification.

f. “Work out your salvation with diligence.” –Buddha

Work out your diligence with salvation.

g. “Walk close to the earth. Sing close to the body.” –Stuart Perkoff

“And dance as if no one was watching’

h. “There is no road. We take it.” –Philomene Long

The no road taken.. Robert Frost is doing a headstand.

i. “Go naked. Take nothing.” –John Thomas

“I’ve got plenty of nothing and nothing is plenty for me.” Nothing is really something. The Hindus and Buddhists have made extensive religions out of it and there’s still plenty of nothing left for all.

Posted: Sat - September 1, 2007 at 09:04 AM