New Architecture Guide for Venice applauded by People who count
By Carol
Fondiller
April 1 – In a move
lauded by the Venice Architectural Association (V.A.A.) the Los Angeles City
Planning Council is mandating the alteration of the storage facilities at
Hampton Drive to look more like storage facilities.
“All unnecessary attachments,
extensions, etc., or any other addition that detracts from the container-like
structure shall be removed.”
“This is a a grand, and may I say revolutionary move whose time has
come,” said Ryan Overbuilt. “The Venice of the future will be boxes.
We seek honesty in our architecture.” Overbuilt, Grand Marshall of V.A.A.,
explained, “presently, we are designing houses that resemble storage
facilities, such as the recently constructed Main Street projects. These
structures have an honesty, purity and conformity that is lacking in the
fussiness of windows, landscaping, set backs, etc. We want to give Venice an
urban contemporary feel.”
“After
all,” said Martha Meddlesome, CEO of Venice Reel’em In Real Estate
Association, “what is a house or condo but a storage facility for
one’s private investments? One stays in one’s living space until one
can sell it at a profit.”
“It’s as easy as selling
out one’s parents,” squealed Heather Tiffany, president of V.F.P.
(Venetians for Progress). Tiffany was recently named PIMP of the year (Profits
more Important than Most People).
When
questioned as to whether any input from the community had been taken into
account Ralph Ripoff, head zoner of the Venice Area Zoning Council said,
“Input? We don’t need no stinkin’ input. We consulted the
council office, the King of Spain, and the newly coronated president of FORVM
(Financiers Organized to Ream Venice Mercilessly), Gregory Nodoff, who asked me
to pass the ketchup. I agreed to do that in a reasonable amount of time,
whenever feasible of course.”
Mr. Nodoff could not be reached for
comment. He was at a meeting to discuss the installation of more non-benches at
bus stops. “This will give the feel of street life, without the annoyance
of strangers sitting down free of charge as they wait for non-existent public
transportation. Tourists don’t feel comfortable unless they pay for their
pleasure,” said Nodoff spokesperson Wanda Wannabee.
Posted: Fri - April 1, 2005 at 06:35 PM